How many years later?

Wow, so I've just realised that I created this blog SIX years ago! Whooooaaaaa! That is such a long time ago, feels like just yesterday when I was in my ICT class creating my blog account. 

I kinda wish I still wrote on this blog often. I think after my exams, I'll begin writing more - inshallah! 

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it" - Aristotle

ox

Guess who?!

Right, I haven't written on here in soooo long wow! I've been so caught up with exams and cw tbh but now I'm free! However, I'm not sure if I'm going to be posting here frequently because I created another blog (click here to see) and I don't know what I'll be writing here. I may just stick to the trials/tribulations style I started with.

Urrrrmmm, what have I done recently that's noteworthy? I've done half of my A2L assignment, hopefully I pass both of them ebcause I love Leeds uni so much. But you know what worries me and I lament over it for so many hours a day? How much I actually want to go to uni. Like, don't get me wrong I do want to go: to experience the life, improve my knowledge on the disciplines of economics and aspects of politics etc. But I don't know JUST how much I want to go. I don't feel that crazy push in my heart telling me that I must go or bad things will happen. I feel like I've got myself way too caught up with this housewife mentality that I've now managed to convince myself that university is futile. *sigh* Besides, I feel like the work I've put in for my A Levels shouldn't go to waste. 

By housewife mentality I mean that the main thing I look forward to (aspire to) is being married and having kids to look after. Ofc I don't intend on just looking after kids forever but I don't think I'm looking for those 'die hard' careers. I want to focus on my kids and don't want a case whereby I'll have to have nannies looking after them. Which then makes me thing about if getting into uni debt is worth it if that's what I want. Plus, I'm hoping my blog kicks off so I can have things like conventions for muslim sisters and whatnot. I wouldn't just want to sit at home doing nothing, I would want a business to run but I don't think I'm looking for some glamorous career. This mindset I have makes me feel very naive at times because what if I don't get married? What if I never have kids? What if I regret not going to uni because I was too focused on uncertainties? Like, I don't want to live a life of regrets. Imagine, I'm tearing up just writing this because that's how much these things worry me. So I'm just going to move on, I don't wanna start bawling. I just really hope God guides me in the right path and I don't make silly mistakes. 

Moving on. I've been thinking about letters that I want to write. Letters to my kids, husband and a few to myself. I think I'm going to write a number of letters because I think my thoughts/perspectives on thinks could change and I'd want that documented if I'm honest. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to address these letters lol because these people are all just possibilities and not guaranteed aha. I think I'm going to type the letters as well because then I can carry them around (through life) without worrying about losing them. Unless of course my emails or laptop decide to clear my files! I'm so excited to write these letters. I was going to write one today but I don't want to end up crying loads so I'm going to do a couple tomorrow. With the letters to my kids, I think it's just going to be me telling them how much I love them and can't wait to meet them and things I want to experience with them and teach them. Plus, when I do give birth to them I'm going to write them a letter every birthday and probably give it to them when they're 18 or something. I don't think I can even express how often I think about love and my kids. Pretty sure it occupies a massive space in my thoughts, it's all I think about! I can't wait to love my kids, hold them, treasure them! Even my husband, I can't wait to roll over in the morning, look into his face and thank Allah for blessing with such an amazing person! Right, I'm getting kind of moist now but you get the gist aha. Lately, I've become so soft it's kind of worrying. I'm hoping it's a phase and I'm not really a softie but I doubt it lol, I think the soft side of me is winning the war against my 'hard' side. 

Anyways, I've finished exams and I'm free forever! LOL, well not forever but you get the gist. I'm going to Nigeria in like three weeks and I actually cannot waaaaiiitttt! This summer is going to be amazing! I can't wait to see my parents especially, it's been like 9 months. I think I've changed so much since the last time I saw them but I hope they like this change lol. I think I've written enough now, don't want to bore whoever is reading!

'It's been said that seeing is believing. But the fact is, we all have our blind spots. Sometimes we recognize them ourselves. Sometimes others recognize them for us. Distance has a way of distorting the things we see. But what appears as an obstacle may in fact be an opportunity. The trick is having enough faith to carry through'

ox

Desultory

There's really no reason why I'm writing this bar the fact that I have a 5000 word essay to complete and I seriously cba so I've spent the last few minutes looking through my blogposts as I just realised that I've abandoned it for some time. Sucky. Well, that was a long sentence. I've had my blog for nearly four years! That makes me feel mad old lol. 

I have soooo much work to do it's stressing me out. Plus I have two assignments due for Leeds uni which are mad hard "/ The first one entails me writing about a good learning experience and a bad learning experience with references to learning theories. It seems interesting but just a bit stressful as I have exams coming up! Anyways, I can't wait to get to uni - provided I get the grades. Leeds looks like such a nice place :D:D:D

Urm, yeah, I don't have much to say but guaranteed after my exams, I'm going to try to write a lot more on here! I like writing in my blog as it is, personally, a form of cathartic release when things get a bit despondent lol. Enough of rambling. Thanks for reading. If you enjoy my posts, which are sometimes rather arbitrary, feel free to follow or comment or share it! 

"We never cease wanting what we want, whether it’s good for us or not."

ox

Poetry of Nasri: Ambitious Kisses

Poetry of Nasri: Ambitious Kisses: She can redefine your life, your whole perception changes Moving up the ladders, your whole lifestyle rearranges The ghetto whispers whe...

BANDAAARRRRR

VNDKFHDIAIUSGFYDUSDNCISDSBC GUISE MY EXAMS ARE OVER! SOOOO MANY MIXED FEELINGS LOOL! Happiness, sadness, restlessness, ambivalence! Oh, it's all a mess loool. Slyly, I'm super shook for the results but still happy that it's all out of the way but now my exams are over, I have NO idea what to do with myself! I've used so many exclamation marks already lool, I'm writing this with a massive grin on my face and I actually do not know why ahahahah - I'm just sooo happy, alhamdulillah!

Anyhoooo, onto pressing matters – The other day I was editing my bio, there was this random question generator and it was "Which is more important to you and why: flexibility or expandability?” I didn’t know how in the world I was supposed to tackle such a question loool so I made notes on perspective on which the question could be attacked... I came up with: physically or mentally. The former sounded somewhat sickening so I went for the latter in terms of attributes that are more desirable.

Okay, admittedly both are characteristic that are very useful but then again their usefulness is rather reliant on how we ourselves classify them and also dependent on if we’re talking spiritually or not – if that makes sense?

There is more than one meaning to flexibility which could be being able to bend without collapsing or it could mean for one to be easily swayed. In regards to the former, it is unquestionable that being flexible is great – and when one looks at it from the perspective of our mind, body and soul, we should be able to be open or be able bend (open to ideas, experiences and ideologies). In spite of this, we should also be wary of being too flexible as we may become ruined and rendered useless lol. One doesn’t want to be so open that you get to a stage whereby you lose yourself and values which were once intrinsic aha.

Flexibility entails freedom, choice and breathing room which makes it seem like the much better trait to possess; after all many of people advocate liberty, lool! Besides, with flexibility there is room for one to grown from mistakes made as well as there being lots of options and the knack to reassess things happening. It isn’t particularly limited and gives one the power to focus on ones self and priorities – does that make sense? We all have the flexibility to move without much restraint in creating the life you want and allows one to build on it from wherever you choose – things aren’t stagnant, change is always occurring, gotta move with the times lol.

In regards to flexibility being described as being swayed without difficulty, this view leads one to believe that it is perhaps not a valuable trait. But this could also be a misconception. This is somewhat similar to being able to bend but in this instance there’s more focus on the effect the outside has on your flexibility. In principle, one should be open to change but then again it is a bit of a problem when change happens too quickly – does anyone else worry about that? I do lol. Viable change ought to occur when much consideration has been taken and when one has vivid awareness of the impact of the change and its result. If a change is done super swift then you could actually go as far as saying that the change was done with minimal clarity. Consequently, there is potential of a myriad of problems which I can’t even lie can be suuuuper LONG – ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat. Mate, I’m not however saying that things that can happen against plans or that the recompense we get for accepting a change is different than what we expect but by planning, such outcomes are unlikely – I’d like to think anyway, not like I’ve been through enough to make such a conclusive assertion.

Expandability is a bit different even though it does seem rather analogous. Expandability = spread out, unfold or enlarge. In terms of being meaningful, I think expandability may take the lead a bit because when something/someone is expanding they aren’t just changing the person that are they are but they are also maintaining their originality. Through expanding, you are gaining. Whereas, with flexibility the object is changes thus forming it to what the person/thing controlling desires – one might have freedom but there isn’t as much room to grow as you would have otherwise.

What’s more is that being able to expand and unfold is to some extent very vital because isn’t that one of the many goals of our journey through life? For use to be able to expand our experiences and knowledge whilst our physical form grown and unfolds into adulthood? On the contrary, it isn’t always as easy as stated lool – things are always easier to say than do. I find it hard to open up to people emotionally as well as supporting others emotionally, to a point whereby I can no longer protect myself. It’s very long. Besides, isn’t the main purpose of having things folded is so that not everything is in the open? When one unfolds, everything becomes open to the elements, the idea of there being little privacy is disconcerting ahahaha – slight exaggeration there but I hope you get my drift. I try to be open to provide emotional support to everyone but at the same time I appreciate it being reciprocated so I don’t relish in the idea of getting so caught up in helping everyone else that I have to neglect myself. It sounds a bit selfish but ultimately keeping oneself content is the primary goal tbh. If I can’t keep myself comforted and grounded, how am I supposed to be able to expand out everyone else? There’d be no energy for me to hold myself up if I’m constantly focusing on everyone else – no? Once again, if I can’t hold myself up, how can I offer help to hold someone else up, it would all seem like a big joke.

Ultimately, both are in different ways as beneficial as the other to have but as stated earlier it is massively dependent on what we regard them to mean and how being either/or has an effect on us.

LEUL, I've just basically gone on for ages *siiiigggghh* Anyway, I seriously hope that the stuff I've said made else this would have sucked. It would be nice to know what some of you reading this think about the question. Feel free to leave your answer in the comment box, I'd love to read them! Thank you guys again for reading aha, it's always interesting to see how many people actually read this. Finally on 5000 views, wooooooooooo! 

"Through life we suffer, through friends we never have to suffer alone"

                                                                      ox

Flexibility or Expandability

Okay, so in Profile bit there was a random (but very thought-provoking) question...Which is more important to you and why: flexibility or expandability? 

I'm going to do a post answering it, after Wednesday when I have no exam. I asked it on Twitter, got very scattered replies (i.e. one) lool and I tweeted my thoughts on it. It's such a good question lol. I'll write more on it, probably on Thursday!

Terse

Heeeey! 

Urm, I'm revising UK politics atm...seriously CBA. Like, seriously. It's probably the most strenuous yet minimal revision I'm ever doing. I don't want to get a crap grade, otherwise I would have given up long ago.

Was looking at my blog earlier and the posts without titles look so craps :( I'm gonna go through them and give them a title so it looks better. I'm also going to create a new blog for stuff like creative writing. A while back, I found myself writing mini stories and coming up with ideas for some but they never actually materialised unfortunately so yeah, I'm gonna make use of this! 

Ahhh, it's MLK day today so to commemorate that I'll use one of his quotes lawl. RIP.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
-MLK Jr."

ox