Tuesday, 17 July 2012


I don't have much doing right now. It is 22:15 and I have just managed to complete my English hw. I feel like such a kid when I have to say I have homework to do - thanks sixthform.

In other news, last week of this academic year and I am actually ecstatic at the fact that I do not have to deal with sixthform for the next six weeks. Apart from when I'm tearing my hair out the week before results day, lawl. There are a number of things I'm looking forward to be honest:

  1. I can finally have time to get my driving licence, that shall be done as soon as I get some money. I intend on doing an intensive in order to get my licence ASAP. Plus, I've got a sick deal I need to capitalise on, lawl, 20 hours for £360 - bargain! Oh and for the simplest reason, I will have my own hwhip. Yes, hwhip.
  2. The fact that I don't have to deal with people I have no care for. This may seem rude but it's the truth. Not particularly keen on the fact that I have to deal with them but hey, I guess that's life. In the future I'm going to have to deal with people that I don't like but can't do anything about it, better start getting used to it. Well, I'll start getting used to it after my six week break from them. To say I dislike people in school would be an exaggeration tbh, I don't care enough to dislike them - they're just them. I always say it, but it's true, the indifference I feel towards a lot of people is real. Ha.
  3. I'm going to try out for the East Midlands basketball team, which starts this Saturday. Hopefully I get in. It would actually be THE best thing, like ever, if I get in. I would be somewhat surprised though, I can't lie, as I have been out of basketball for some time and I'm only just getting back into it.The issue though, is that it's in LEICESTER :| Getting there and back for five weeks in a row will be a mission and a hald, I swear. But still, it's EAST MIDLANDS! Wish me luck!
I don't think I have much more I'm looking forward to tbh u'know. There's the obvious which is the fact that Ramadan starts soon, it's gonna be so much easier because there's no school so I can just chill all day err'day, lawl. (And pray of course). Haha. Oh and Eid, I can't forget Eid!

Mum and Dad are around now, haven't seen them since last year I think (December). It feels weird having them around but in a good way because I've missed them loads, getting a bit moist, lol. It's surprising when you get something you've subconsciously been needing/wanting, as it's a great feeling when a hole you never realised was there becomes whole again. BIG UP  MOISTURISER GANG.

I think that's it. OOOHH WAIT. Going to mention the Junior Ambassador thing we've been running with school. It's basically a pageant for year eights and it's actually pretty sick. Anyways, it's tomorrow and if you're reading this and you live in Northampton, you should come. It's at 6, tickets are £3 (with a drink) and yeah, it's gon' be a siiiiccckkk night. I'm in a surprisingly good mood. Oh, I've just thought about the dress I bought earlier, I'm actually excited to wear it. Don't know what I'm going to wear it with though, it's black and maxi - tough, hmm. But all the same, it's nice! I got it from New Look's sale, it was a baaaaargain and a half!

"The further you go, the more you have to be proud of. At the same time, in order to come a long way, you have to be behind to begin with. In the end, though, maybe it's not how you reach a place that matters. Just that you get there at all."


Tuesday, 10 July 2012


Right, I am aware that I haven't written on here since new years, which is a looong time. Looking back over the last seven months, a lot has changed yet things still remain the same. Hard to explain but I know what I mean, ish. I can't lie and put the good ol' rubbish of 'yeah I've been doing some soul searching and I finally know who I am blahblahblah' because that would be a be a big fat lie. However, I have realised a few things. 
  1.  I feel as though I am losing my mind. Losing my mind in the sense that I feel like, to some extents, I suffer from depersonalisation. I can't explain what I actually feel to deep lengths as I end up coming across as though I have some deep underlying psychological imbalance. It's not full blown depersonalisation that some people experience but it's moreso the fact that I go through stages whereby I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. I can't explain it. It's like my mind leaves me, and my soul is observing my life objectively. Leaving me feeling dettached from the world. If you spend a lot of time around me you'll understand what I'm talking about as you've probably experienced me going through it. It's not even a long term thing, it's just a bout of weirdness that leaves me feeling drained. Sometimes, it's only for short periods of times, others it's as long as a few days where afterwards I'm left feeling weird. I can't describe it. 
  2. I'm losing passion for life in general. Once again, psychotic. When it comes to words, I'm not very good, thus I come across as very weird, only sometimes though. I don't know if the right term is losing passion for life but whatever it is, it sucks. I don't seem to want to do anything a lot of the time, which is an issue because as we all know 'idle hands are the devil's workshop'. To try to combat this, I have been trying to find things I enjoy; for instance, I've taken up drawing again. I did Art at GCSE and got an A, for which I am happy about, so yeah I decided to start doing it again. I drew three pictures I think, yeah three...Goku, Riley and a Lotus flower. Although I managed to get all those three done in about a week or so, I haven't touched my sketchpad since Tupac's birthday when I started drawing Tupac. That has been, what, nearly three weeks now? I'm currently in the mood to take it up again, so after this I'm going to complete the sketch quickly. That seems to be the story of my life, I lose faith and passion in things too quickly - this needs to stop, else I'm going nowhere. I think maybe it is because I don't have faith in much. I don't know. Sometimes, I find it very hard to express myself appropriately.
  3. I said I'm losing passion for stuff but recently I've been getting back into basketball, which I love. I don't even know why I stopped playing. Tell a lie, it was when I went to Nigeria last summer that I kinda stopped. Played like twice over there and when I came back, there wasn't a team for U18s. So yeah, but now there's a new women's session, this is the fourth week of it. I've been thrice, it's good :D Getting into the swing of it. Surprisingly, I didn't wake up with aches and whatnot after yesterday's session, lawl. I need to work on my fitness though, it's poooooooor. 
This year is done, thank God. Summer starts in two weeks or so, but I can't lie I'm not looking forward to results day. I keep thinking back to my exams and what I've written, which leaves me feeling nervous. Also, the fact that all my exams are essay based means that you can't mess up a 'bit', I've probably flopped (-_-). 

Random: Do you ever randomly get nervous? For pretty much no reason, you just suddenly get nervous? "I think about what I do on most cases when I feel nervous like this, I cannot deduce a pattern. I just understand that I feel nervous whenever. It's starting to become bothersome because it keeps me from concentrating from what I need to do"

One of the worst things ever is when someone presents to you this image of who they supposedly are. This purported 'image' makes them seem much better than they are. Then you find out what they're truly like and you're left feeling like a mug. Feeling like a mug because you realise that you have placed them on a much higher pedestal than they deserved. Leaves you feeling somewhat irritated. Anyway, enough rambling. I've got a sketch to get on with, then I have some work to complete as I'm behind on quite a bit :-| 
"You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away; make you something different in an instant"